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Listings for December 29th, 2009

APPEARING ON Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

The Alpha Binding Theory [+]

Free before 9pm, £3 thereafter.

The theory was initially developed during a period of decline in activity in an undisclosed part of the North of England. Four men (subsequently referred to as the Theorists), bound by one common primary goal, found themselves simultaneously expounding upon what would later turn out to be the exact same theory, but approached from differing positions. Although only initially outlined, the theory was immediately deemed sufficient for further investigation and would prove to be a necessary tool for further work to progress.

After exhaustive and detailed research, the Theorists met in a dark backroom of their remote bunker. They proceeded to share, analyse and contemplate results. Through a haze of cigar smoke and the heavily peated scent of single malt whisky, they coupled experience with logic, reason and a touch of intuition. They began to formulate the protocol which would directly tackle the issue of how the theory was to be applied in the field. The Theorists settled on a Four Element Approach.

The theory itself is complex; thus cannot be expressed in simple terms. It was formally agreed that no attempt should be made to render it in common language as it is predominantly an experience-based collection of notions and concepts that is described more efficiently through other media.

What follows is an attempt to explain and document the practice of what is now to be officially referred to as The Alfa Binding Theory.