The Skin Imps
Free before 9pm // £4 thereafter.
Free all night with a student card or Telford’s membership.
Collectively known as The Skin Imps, these three individuals – whom I shall introduce presently – have blazed a trail for many years, but have largely remained in the shadows, honing their skills in preparation for the coming apocalypse, ready to strike from a secret encampment on the bordertowns of society at a moments notice.
That moment is now!
Guided by the voice of God (Lee Majors), they have made it their sacred quest to reintroduce the world to their forgotten childhood, by assaulting them with powerful, mesmerising, dirty and sexual versions of Jamie and the Magic Torch, The Littlest Hobo, Thundercats and many other classic themes from 1980s television. This is their fight, their calling, their honour.
For your perusal, The Skin Imps are:
Jesus “Jesus Gonzalez” Gonzalez (vocals/kazoo/guitar)
Following a minor dispute involving several tonnes of high-explosives, a signed Los Lobos album and a visiting dignitary, former Mexican Army leader Colonel Gonzalez is now a wanted man in his home country.
His weapon of choice these days is the kazoo. His ammunition: the injustices of the world.
He survives as a radical performance poet and political architect, but his first love is and always has been TV theme tunes.
He rules over the Skin Imps with a fur-clad iron fist.
Rico “Rico Martinez” Martinez (drums)
Miss Martinez, the Spanish Post-It Note heiress is – to put it in simple terms – gorgeous.
Due to be wed to the second worst drug baron in Mexico City, Miss Martinez absconded, but not before leaving the wedding party in bloody disarray. The last known sighting was of Rico – still wearing her wedding dress – riding shotgun in a black Trans Am, driven by a mysterious moustachioed man in a cowboy hat.
She will love you, she will hate in the blink of an eye, but you will never ever forget her.
Chico “Chico Sanchez” Sanchez (bass)
A self-made millionaire. Chico – former bodyguard to Mexico City’s second worst drug baron – is a man of few words but many bitter resentments.
He is also the most sexual of the Skin Imps and can make grown woman the world over feint simply by twitching one of his myriad love muscles.
His bull-like cry of “Bustin’ makes me feel good!” during renditions of The Real Ghostbusters can also make sane men mad.